Sunday, November 28, 2010
After finishing essay two....
I finally finished my essay, but I don't think I did it right.. I was a little behind from all of the classes being canceled and I took a bit of a mental vacation.. Bad idea.. But I think I did alright. I covered my argument very well. I had no problem voicing my opinion but I don't think I did enough research.. So when I go back to edit, I plan on adding more text based evidence from both of my articles. To those who are reading my essay: feel free to leave feedback!
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I really loved your essay. It gave example and allowed me the reader to connect with you and understand your points. I do recommend though to try and tweak a few sentences. In the first paragraph I found that the word "blog" was used a lot and the third paragraph uses the word "identity" in the same way. But other than that I really felt you presented the essay and your points in a well done manner. Great job!
ReplyDeleteOverall, your essay was pretty good. I like how you created an argument and expressed your opinions throughout the essay. However, one thing to think about when revising your essay could be incorporating the argument while discussing the identity that you found in your blog more clearly. Good job!!
ReplyDeleteHey Jamie, I got your essay from brian cus my group members are.. well you sat with us haha. Anyways I thought your essay was really well done and I liked the way you laid out your ideas - it was very organized. You did a really good job and I can't wait to read it with the revisions, I didn't really find any major things that needed fixing so just expand on your ideas a little more and make them a bit more concrete! Good luck (=
ReplyDeleteI found your essay easy to read and I felt like you were talking to me! I'm sorry this came so late, I will also send this to FB. Anyways, I know you probably need to add in the blogging book (just like I do!). Also, you have a great outside perspective of classroom blogging. I felt that you had a strong voice with the use of I and believe. Be more specific in how they are not beneficial use an example from your blog? Although, this is a terrific paper and gives a great insight to society and how a young individual connects to it.
ReplyDeleteWow thanks for the feedback guys! :) I thought I did much worse! I think my essay sounds a bit persuasive right now, and needs to contain more research for sure and I agree with everything you all said!
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